Tom Unbound - 2005-06-28
War of the Worlds touches down in theaters tomorrow, and we find ourselves wondering: Could Tom Cruise actually be an alien? Because it would explain a lot.
Take Friday's Today show tirade, when the leading man lectured Matt Lauer on the dangers of Ritalin. The segment would not have been weirder if the finger Cruise shook was webbed, or dribbling slime. And if extraterrestrials hit this planet as vigorously as the actor attacked Oprah Winfrey's couch last month, the human race should immediately surrender.