What to get the Scientologist who has everything: It's the Scientology Xmas Catalog! - 2016-12-07
We interrupt Leah Remini's dismantling of the Church of Scientology to remind you that you have only 18 days left to finish your Christmas shopping. And as ever, you'll need some extra help when it comes to that perennial conundrum facing us all — what to get the Scientologist on your list.
You see, Scientologists tend to make a big deal about Christmas. Even their celebrities, who can't be bothered to show up for the grand opening of a new church, will put on funny costumes and take part in the skits and tributes that are performed at the Winter Wonderland exhibit on Hollywood Boulevard.
But here's the thing that no Scientology celebrity will tell you: L. Ron Hubbard, in the organization's secretive upper-level teachings, reveals that Jesus Christ, and Christianity, is just a mental implant, cruelly foisted upon the human race by Xenu the galactic overlord some 75 million years ago. "The man on the cross, there was no Christ," Hubbard says quite clearly in a 1968 lecture.